I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
