She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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