Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
