I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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