AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
