Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
