I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
