Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
