Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
