bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
