You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Welp...herpes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
