so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
