my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
