Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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