I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Someone came in the potted fern
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
