So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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