in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
