How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
