Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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