Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
