and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
