He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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