It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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