Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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