my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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