This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
