I hate your face
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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