i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
