at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
