found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
