Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
