Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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