either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
