we have pet lesbian snakes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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