Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
