Are we in a gay sports bar?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
