you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
