I didn't shave. On purpose
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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