She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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