You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
