Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My breasts were aching with rage.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
