He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
