Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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