I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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