so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
