the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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