if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
