names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
