So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
