she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
